Long Lost Friend

A few days ago I received a facebook friend request from a childhood friend. Not a girl from my hometown. This girl lived in my cousin's town. Whenever we went to visit my grandparents and cousins she and I always played together. This is the main reason I LOVE facebook... reconnecting!

Anyway this friend works with my cousin's daughter. When she made the connection she asked my 2nd cousin about me. My 2nd cousin was asking about our childhood friendship and what all we did. The most profound question was concerning my ability to keep up , assumming our play would have been "slowed down" due to my abilities. My friend's response was " Marty had no problem keeping up, I did not see her disability."

As I thought about this and my 2nd cousins questions and intrigue I realized that my cousin's daughter really doesn't remember me when I was totally mobile. Seven years ago when I was in MS helping plan the funeral for my aunt I sprained my right ankle & the Dr wouldn't let me put any weight on it. Since I can't use crutches I ended up in a wheelchair. From that point on I've had mobility issues because I sprained that ankle again when it was almost healed. Within months of my ankle finally healing I had a wreck that broke my "good" foot. It took one and a half years after breaking my foot to become mobile with a cane. I've been fighting and struggling to gain the best mobility I can and it's constantly improving.


I'm sharing this because I know at this point in my life my disability is extremely obvious. Yes, this bothers me...I let my pride get in the way. This is something I work on daily. My point is everyone has a disability of some kind. If we ourselves don't see them ...then others won't.

I'm a nervous wreck and don't know why! Anyone with CP can probably relate to this feeling. It's like my internal body needs be be free from the bones and skin. I'm having to bite my tongue not to scream. The more I try to control my nerves, the worse it gets. My arm is drawn up against me in pain. As I struggle to straighten it, my arm feels better but quickly draws up again. This is the time to go to the drugs but I want to beat it without the drugs. Sometimes I can. Not so sure today.
As a child I went through this (the nervousness) but don't remember the pain. I do remember everyone laughing at me for being so jumpy. It was embarrassing. I couldn't explain why I was jumpy. At some point my nervousness did get better. I don't remember it being too bad in college, maybe it was and I just don't remember. As I adjusted to work environments I seemed to be able to control it. Maybe it was the same but I handled it better and my friends and co-workers took my lead on how I dealt with situation.
I do remember one day as I walked though the promenade of the bank building a janitor actually commented to me that he was proud of me. The fact that I could be home on disability yet chose to work. I thanked him. I understood what he meant yet he did hurt my feelings.
My sister had told me that my disability was barely noticeable and of course it was more obvious when I was tired. The fact that the janitor "noticed" I had a disability it what really bothered me.
I got a little of track here but surprisingly as I was writing this my body has relaxed a little. The key...STAY BUSY. I just learned that. As long as I'm focused on something my nervousness declines.

Todays's WOD (workout of day)
Row 750 meters
50 Situps
50 DUs (for me 12 in Step -Ups)
25 Push ups --mine are cheats but hey...they're pushups
Row 750 Meters
Thought I was going to die...but did it. Don't remember the time. Most were around 10- 12 mins
I'm thinking mine was 24:09. I know it was over 20:00.
I believe this was a 1st for me. We usually scale back the #'s for my workout...didn't on this one. YEA!!
When I started at CrossFit I couldn't even do one sit-up and today I did 50 in one whack!!
How can this be bad for someone with CP? Yes, we're slower and have to make adjustments. BUT...my core muscles are obviously much stronger (basically didn't exist when I started) and my back muscles are stronger. My spine is holding in place. When I complain about pain to my chiropractor, in most cases my back is not out. It's related to a muscles that needs to be worked. One major trick I've learned at CrossFit is to use a ball (cricket, lacrosse, tennis) and lay on it moving it around on the muscles while moving the muscle. This is extremely painful but the after effects are awesome.

Amazing how God works

As a junior in college I was so sick of school. Tired, stressed, and just didn't think I could do it anymore. I had actually discussed this with my parents and they had given me permission to drop out. I was really struggling, didn't want to quit but couldn't see how I could survive two more years.
For some reason I was in South Jackson on a road I never drove down and saw a billboard advertising a revival that week with my former childhood youth director and minister of music. I went that night to the revival and was able to talk to Johnny about school. His words, " Marty, you can do anything you want. You can finish school and get that degree." His words of encouragement were exactly what I needed. My goal at that point to not to let Johnny down, he believed in me. I kept that focus.
After researching my credits I discovered that I could finish in one year and graduate the next December. I set that as my goal. When the thought of quitting entered my mind I would think of Johnny and how miraculously God taken me pass that billboard. God placed Johnny in my path at the exact time I needed his encouraging words. I give God the glory and praise for providing me with my education.

I grew up in a Southern Baptist Church that was half a block from our house. We were there almost every Sunday, morning and night. My Dad was the Training Union (night time classes) Director. One of my favorite things to do was hang in the office until time for Training Union to begin and ring the buzzer. Then I'd go flying off to my class.
Occasionally I would even go to Prayer meeting on Wednesday night just so I could hang out with my dad.
As we got older our church had an extremely active youth ministry. Our Youth Director picked a musical for us to learn and they even choreographed movements for it. Kids from all over the area participated. During this time we literally were at the church all day on Sunday, practicing this musical during the afternoon.
One Sunday as we started working on the movements, I broke down, ran out of the church, and drove off. My sister was there and she came after me. I don't remember where she found me but she was a true sister that day. She had figured out what was wrong and coaxed it out of me. I wasn't able to do the movement we were working on and it was basically simple. I was so discouraged. I don't remember her words but they were very comforting. We rode around out in the woods and decided to walk through this plowed field back to the trees behind the field...just for fun. We walked and walked and laughed and walked some more. We finally got to the trees only to realize we had to walk back. I don't really remember walking back but I'm sure we were laughing wondering why we were so stupid to do that it the first place. However it was a way of proving that I could do anything I set my mind to.
The next Sunday at practice a couple of tweaks were make to the movements and I was able to do them.
We were able to take our performance to Texas and perform at several churches. It was an experience I'll never forget.

I remember back in my college days driving down Old Isola Road in MS headed home probably from my chiropractors office. A car started passing an oncoming car and came into my lane headed straight toward me. There was no was he could get around that car but he had made his decision. As I was weighing my options I remember seeing the six foot or more drop off on the side of the road. If I ran off the road I knew the car would flip. Remember in those days we didn't wear seat belts.
I clasped the steering wheel, closed my eyes, and began praying. There was no doubt I was going to die. I'm not sure how much time passed but there was no crash. Upon opening my eyes there were no cars in front of me and the car I expected to hit head-on was behind me.
Now I'm sure people will say that the passing car was able to pass and get back in his lane. There was no was. I truly believe God saved my life that day. He had a purpose for my life.

Well I fell this morning. It's been a while since my last fall, my balance is getting much better. I was carrying stuff with my right arm and fumbling for car keys with my left hand and felt myself start to fall. Not wanting to hit the sidewalk I managed to stagger toward the grass and went down landing on my right arm.
Why do I even try to multitask? I know better. Walking and carrying anything is as much multitasking I should attempt. Had I not been going for my keys I think I could have stabilized myself and not fallen.
Jim was leaving as well and saw me go down. He came over and helped me up. I continued on my way to Crossfit and survived the workout. My shoulder is trobbing now so I think it's time for tylenol and ice.

"How can you be a Christian?" "Aren't you mad at God ... He made you disabled." These are questions and statements I've heard throughout my life. My answers are "Easy, Jesus died for my sins" "No, God did allow me to be born with CP, but he's using me in ways that I'm not even aware of understanding."
The first time I truly was aware that God was using me was when I went to college. I was a Sophomore and someone I really didn't know that well told me she had switched her major to Physical Therapy because of me. Then a friend went into Special Education because of me. This was overwhelming. I wasn't doing a thing but being myself.
There are many things I still don't understand but I do know that God wants me to reach out to other and encourage them, just He encourages me.
God has placed so many awesome people in my life and there is no mistake that the technology age can be used to share God's message and encourage other. I've been able to reconnect with long lost friends and through FB we have an immediate prayer chain. That to me is sooo awesome.
My prayer today is that this blog will reach many and provide them with answers or maybe just give someone something to ponder.

I don't know how old I was when I would finally spend the night away from home. As many times as I tried, I had to go home. My friends parents were always sweet about it but I'm sure they dreaded those Friday nights that we planned for me to stay at their houses. I tried and really thought I would stay. Bedtime would come and I wouldn't last long after that. Guess it was a good thing we lived in a small town.
This mystery was solved in my adult years. Through discussions I found out that upon my doctor's advise my parents sent me to The Crippled Children's Home in Jackson. My one memory about that place was sitting on the end of the bed crying.
I was only there for a short period. On my 3rd birthday my family came and took me to my grandparents for my birthday. When it was time to take me back to the home, the family voted and decided I was going home with them. My dad called the doctor to tell him and the doctor said it was kidnapping. My family didn't care. Dad called the sheriff of the county we lived in who told him "just get across the county line and you'll be safe." The sheriff was at the county line waiting for us. We of course changed doctors. My new doctor took the braces off my legs saying that the braces were keeping me from using my muscles.
Obviously my short-lived stay at this home was such a traumatizing experience that it caused me to think I wouldn't be able to go home the next morning if I actually spent the night with my friends.

Today's workout...KNUCKLE SANDWICH. The actual workout was 4 Time...
Row 1000 meters, 5 rounds ... 5 pull ups, 10 push ups, 15 squats...then Row 1000 meters. My revised version was Row 500 meters, 2 rounds...5 pull ups, 10 push ups, 15 squats...then Row 500 meters. When I stated the workout I thought I could push it and get 3 rounds instead of 2. Well by the end of 2 I knew that was it. My legs were shaking from the squats. I did manage to row the final 500 meters. My time 17:36.
I don't compare myself to the others in the class. Each of us are unique. I may see what others are doing, such as rowing times. Then I take the "norm" compared to where I'm at and find a realistic goal for myself.

In first grade I remember two boys fighting. As I tried to get passed them one of the boys landed on me. The result, one broken leg and not being allowed back at that school. The "school" believed I should go to The Little Red Schoolhouse (a school for crippled children).
My parents didn't take this lightly. They wanted me to go to public school. The search ensued and my family uprooted and moved to a town that graciously accepted me into their school.
My sisters were older and I'm sure they felt as though their lives were being torn apart and it wasn't fair. I would think there would be resentment there. We've never discussed their feelings about this. I am extremely grateful for their sacrifices.

Weather is my reason for everything negative. I don't know why this is but when I don't feel good...it's because of the weather. If I hurt it's because of the weather. Sore throat, grumpy, whatever it is, I blame the weather.
I don't know if that's normal but I do know that my pain is many times tied to weather fronts. I remember hearing older people saying "My bursitis is acting up, it must be going to rain." Well I guess I've reached their ranks in weather forecasting because I now do the same thing. However I'm not as confident as I remember them. My statements are usually in the form of a question. "Is a front suppose to come through because my wrist is killing me?" I guess maybe the older I get the more confident I'll get with my weather prepictions. Today the weather is "yucky". Anyone want to guess how I feel?

One thing I find difficult is writing. No, not using a computer but physically writing. I've recently started an in depth Bible study and as I write the answers I feel my body tensing. This feeling brings back childhood memories of taking notes in class, taking tests, all the writing involved in school. I remember having to borrow friend's notes to fill in my gaps since I could not write fast enough to keep up. I also had teachers allow me extra time to take essay tests. Some even offered to give me oral tests but that terrified me so I just took the extra time to write the answers. My writing is almost illegible, especially now that we have computers and I type as much as possible. Someone once commented to my sister about how terrible my handwriting was and she responded, "You try to write left handed when you were born right handed and see how well you do." I had never thought about that. Maybe that is partly the reason my handwriting is so horrific.

Just a little about me. I was born is the late 50's with (Cerebral Palsy) "CP". The doctors created a dismal picture of my life for my parents. All of my life I fought to be as "normal" as possible and I believe fairly successful. There wasn't much I couldn't do. My determination allowed me to find a way. This blog is for those with a disability (or just different) & parents of children who are struggling to find answers. I hope this will be encouraging and inspirational for you.