I'm a nervous wreck and don't know why! Anyone with CP can probably relate to this feeling. It's like my internal body needs be be free from the bones and skin. I'm having to bite my tongue not to scream. The more I try to control my nerves, the worse it gets. My arm is drawn up against me in pain. As I struggle to straighten it, my arm feels better but quickly draws up again. This is the time to go to the drugs but I want to beat it without the drugs. Sometimes I can. Not so sure today.
As a child I went through this (the nervousness) but don't remember the pain. I do remember everyone laughing at me for being so jumpy. It was embarrassing. I couldn't explain why I was jumpy. At some point my nervousness did get better. I don't remember it being too bad in college, maybe it was and I just don't remember. As I adjusted to work environments I seemed to be able to control it. Maybe it was the same but I handled it better and my friends and co-workers took my lead on how I dealt with situation.
I do remember one day as I walked though the promenade of the bank building a janitor actually commented to me that he was proud of me. The fact that I could be home on disability yet chose to work. I thanked him. I understood what he meant yet he did hurt my feelings.
My sister had told me that my disability was barely noticeable and of course it was more obvious when I was tired. The fact that the janitor "noticed" I had a disability it what really bothered me.
I got a little of track here but surprisingly as I was writing this my body has relaxed a little. The key...STAY BUSY. I just learned that. As long as I'm focused on something my nervousness declines.